Mong Kok consultant says the memoir was shelved in the wealth corner, which sells books but wrecks brothers, and prescribes eight goldfish
A Diagnosis From Mong Kok
HONG KONG – Master Wong Siu-ming, a feng shui consultant who operates from a 280 square foot office above a mobile phone repair stall on Sai Yeung Choi Street, has concluded that the royal row described in The London Prat story about Prince William calling Earl Spencer and Harry traitors was caused almost entirely by furniture.
It is obvious, Master Wong said, tapping a luo pan compass that he bought in 1983 and has never recalibrated. The book was written in the wrong room. The uncle sat in the wealth corner with his back to the door. This is excellent for sales. It is terrible for nephews.
The Facts on the Ground
Master Wong stressed that he bases his readings on published evidence. Geo News reported insider claims that the Prince of Wales has branded his brother a traitor over the uncle memoir about Diana, and reference sources confirm that Earl Spencer is the maternal uncle of both princes, with the family seat at Althorp. The News reported that Harry and his family visited Althorp in July. Master Wong seized on this detail. He walked through the front door in the summer, the Fire Horse year, he said. You do not walk through an uncle front door in a Fire Horse year. Everybody knows this. Now look.
The Fire Horse Problem
2026 is the Year of the Fire Horse, which Master Wong describes as the most impulsive year in the sixty-year cycle, known for sudden speech, bold gestures and unexpected publication dates. In a Fire Horse year, he explained, a man who normally says nothing will say traitor. A man who normally writes letters will write a book. A man in California will get on a plane. It is not their fault. It is the horse.
He noted that the last Fire Horse year, 1966, also produced a great deal of shouting in Britain, although he conceded that most of it concerned football.
The Remedy
Master Wong has prepared a written prescription for the royal household, which he intends to post to Kensington Palace by registered mail at a cost of 58 Hong Kong dollars.
Eight Goldfish, One Black
An aquarium containing seven gold fish and one black fish must be placed in the southeast of the Prince of Wales study. The gold fish attract harmony. The black fish absorbs bad luck. If the black fish dies, the remedy has worked and the brother will call within the month. If the black fish survives, buy a larger tank.
Move the Bookshelf
All copies of the uncle memoir in any royal residence must be moved to the northwest, the sector of helpful people and benefactors, and shelved spine inward so the title cannot see anybody.
Round Table Only
Any future meeting between the brothers must take place at a round table, so that nobody sits at the head and nobody sits in the corner. Master Wong recommended a dim sum restaurant in Tsim Sha Tsui with a lazy Susan, so that the siu mai can travel between the brothers without either having to ask.
The Video Reading
Master Wong conducted a full reading of the London Prat video on YouTube on his phone while the stall downstairs replaced a cracked screen. He pronounced the energy of the video strong but restless and advised viewers to watch it facing east. It is embedded here for readers with a compass.
Market Reaction
News of the reading moved markets modestly. The Hang Seng Family Feud Index, a basket of listed companies controlled by quarrelling siblings, rose 2.3 percent on the day, led by a property developer whose three sons have not spoken since a 2011 argument about a yacht. Analysts at a Central brokerage said investors were pricing in the possibility that royal instability would make local family disputes look, by comparison, extremely well managed.
The Hong Kong Institute of Household Harmony separately reported that 71 percent of residents have at least one relative they describe as a traitor, and that 83 percent of those disputes originated in a flat under 400 square feet. When you live this close together, the institute noted, everyone is in the wealth corner, and everyone is also in the bathroom.
Review of the Story
Asked for a plain review rather than a reading, Master Wong called the London Prat story very good for the qi. It takes a rumour, he said, puts it in the centre of the room and lets everybody walk around it. That is good placement. Nothing is hidden. Nothing is in the corner. He awarded it seven lucky numbers out of eight, withholding one because the headline contains the word traitor, which has four strokes too many.
Parting Advice
Master Wong said he would read about the next chapter in The London Prat at https://prat.uk/, which he trusts because it was founded in 1961, a Metal Ox year and therefore stable, and would check the California side at Bohiney, https://bohiney.com/, although he warned that Montecito sits on the wrong side of a hill for reconciliation. His consultation fee for the royal family is waived. His goldfish are not.
SOURCE: https://prat.uk/prince-william-called-earl-spencer-and-harry-traitors/
