Brussels launches diplomatic hand-to-hand combat using both hands to hold a folder
EU China Trade Showdown Begins With Strongly Worded Calendar Invite
BEIJING – Chinese trade officials confirmed on Friday that they have received Europe’s ultimatum and have placed it in the tray where ultimatums from Europe are kept, which is described as “roomy.” The confrontation is detailed in Asia Times reporting on a rickety Europe standing up to China, which says the European Union, using unusually direct terms, has given Beijing a mid-October deadline to explain how it will reduce its massive trade advantage over the continent.
“We respect the deadline,” said Zhao Minghui, assistant director at the Chaoyang Office for Receiving Concerns. “It is a very good deadline. It has a date. Many European deadlines we receive have only a season. One simply said ‘soon’ and was signed by twenty-seven people, three of whom had added notes in the margin disagreeing with the word ‘soon.’” Zhao said the reply is being drafted with care and will be delivered promptly on a date to be discussed.
Twenty-Seven Nations, One Voice, Several Echoes
Brussels insists this time is different. Officials there say the bloc is determined to show it is not a geopolitical weakling, a phrase that had to be approved by all member states and was nearly vetoed by one that preferred “geopolitical medium.” The ultimatum itself reportedly went through fourteen drafts. In the first, Europe demanded action. By the ninth, Europe invited reflection. The final version demands action again, but the word “demands” is in a slightly smaller font.
The underlying complaint is simple. Europe buys an enormous amount from China and China buys rather less from Europe, an imbalance the Chaoyang Office attributes to “a difference in enthusiasm.” A study by the Antwerp Observatory of Arriving Containers found that the average European household contains 214 objects manufactured in China, while the average Chinese household contains one European object, usually a handbag, and a second European object that is the box the handbag came in.
What Europe Says It Will Do Next
Should the deadline pass without a satisfactory answer, Brussels has prepared an escalating series of responses, according to a document seen by this newspaper:
- A second deadline, described as “final”
- A third deadline, described as “genuinely final”
- A summit, with lunch
- Tariffs on products Europe will continue to buy at the higher price
Zhao said his office takes each of these seriously and has already booked a table for the lunch.
The Panda Question
The diplomatic picture is complicated by pandas, which China lends to friendly nations and which Europe is very fond of. Several capitals have privately asked whether a tough trade stance would affect the bears. “We would never link pandas to trade,” said Zhao, standing next to a panda. “The panda is above politics. The panda is also, legally, ours, and is returnable.” Zoo directors in three member states have since urged caution. Meanwhile China has troubles of its own, with one analysis asking why China is missing the big AI rally amid weak demand at home, which is precisely why its factories are so keen to sell to Europeans in the first place.
European manufacturers say they simply want fair competition. A German carmaker noted that Chinese electric vehicles now arrive faster, cheaper and with more screens than anything it produces, and that this is unfair because it is difficult. A French minister proposed a continent-wide strategy to out-innovate China, to be developed by a committee meeting quarterly from 2028.
On the Dock, Nobody Has Heard About the Deadline
At the port of Ningbo, where the trade imbalance is physically assembled each day, the ultimatum has yet to make an impression. A crane operator loading a vessel bound for Rotterdam said he had moved 300 containers before lunch and expected to move 300 more after it. Asked whether he was aware that Europe had demanded a reduction, he looked at the ship, which was the length of four football pitches, and then at the queue of lorries stretching to the horizon. “They should tell the people ordering,” he said. The Antwerp Observatory confirms that European orders placed with Chinese suppliers rose in the week the ultimatum was issued, led by a large shipment of office supplies for the building in which the ultimatum was written. A spokesman in Brussels said the paper had been sourced responsibly and declined to say from where.
London Watches From Just Outside the Room
Britain, which left the bloc in order to negotiate its own strongly worded letters, is following events with professional interest. The London Prat’s English satirical news archive records that the United Kingdom has been issuing final warnings to various trading partners since 2016 and has built up an impressive collection of polite replies. Its UK satirical news today page currently lists the national trade strategy as “pending, with biscuits.”
In Beijing, Zhao said he bears Europe no ill will. “They are our friends,” he said. “We wish them every success in standing up. We also manufactured the folder they are holding, the pen they signed with and the chairs they stood up from.” He then checked his calendar for mid-October and found it was a holiday. Bohiney Magazine will be present at the lunch.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/
